Moving from Deep Pain to Outreach and Sisterhood
A Pivotal, Tragic Year Early Life Commitment to Health Overcoming Loss, Illness and Isolation Sisterhood: Foundation of Women's Collective Linowes Leadership Award
Note: Much of this inspirational story is in Pat's own words, as taken from her 1998 article, "Beginnings," in Sisters in the Struggle, a Newsletter of the The Women's Collective.
"There was no time to think about what my diagnosis meant; all I could think about was taking care of my children and my husband. The next months were extremely difficult. Both Lenny's and Tiffany's conditions became worse. My husband died from an opportunistic infection and six months later my daughter Tiffany died; she was just three years old. At 29, I was a widow, a mother, and a woman living with HIV. It is hard to explain to you the enormity of losing two of the most important people in my life.
But at that time I had no time to think about it because I had two children at home who really needed me. I literally had no time to take care of myself, to think about my own diagnosis. I thought I was going to die, and so I focused on my son, Shawn, who was four and my daughter, Nikki, who was eight. I had to take care of them and that meant I had to go back to my full-time job, because I had a mortgage, we needed food and clothing; the world did not stop."
When she was married in 1980, she never dreamed that, in less than 10 years, she would have buried her husband and her youngest daughter and would have become infected with HIV/AIDS, a disease which brings such fear and isolation. In less than 12 months in 1986-1987, Pat's life was turned upside down, as she poignantly describes above. How did events bring her to this point?
Pat was born in Guyana, South America, the oldest of 5 children. Her family moved to New York when she was 15. She was 19 when she met Leonard Nalls, a gifted, personable young man who, following a spiritual conversion when he returned to church, had quit his life of running around and using drugs. They were married, and they soon had a daughter, Nikki, and a son, Shawn. The Nalls family moved from New York to Maryland, in 1982 when Bread for the World, where both Lenny and Pat worked, relocated to Washington, DC.
The story continues in Pat's own words: "In many ways, the birth of my daughter Tiffany in 1984 symbolized everything wonderful in the life of my family. After 10 years of marriage, my husband Lenny and I both worked hard and had meaningful jobs. We owned our home. We had two other children, both healthy and happy."
However, Tiffany was a child born with a seriously damaged heart and liver. For over two and a half years, Pat and Lenny lovingly and diligently sought every medical option to address their child's health complications -- to no avail. 
Tiffany's spirit, though, was ever bright and hopeful. Her ready smile captured the hearts of her parents, siblings, friends, and health professionals.
In 1985, Lenny developed a persistent cough. It took almost a year for a doctor to ask about prior drug use. As Pat recalls, "Lenny was a good provider, husband and father. He had not used drugs for over 10 years. The doctor did an HIV test and it came back positive. My husband had full-blown AIDS." With her husband in one hospital and her daughter in another, Pat was going back and forth providing emotional support.
"A few weeks later I took an HIV test and discovered that I, too, was HIV positive." Thus began the fear and isolation. Due to the stigma related to HIV/AIDS, most of their coworkers were not told, even when Lenny died a few months later.
Three years of fear, pain, isolation and silence elapsed before Pat sought emotional and health care for herself. She was blessed to find a "young, wonderful doctor, named Dr. Mary Young at Georgetown University." That she is still alive today, Pat credits to the care she has received from this doctor. "I am an equal partner with her in deciding my medical care."
The silence continued, however, for Pat did not want her "children to suffer any discrimination or worry about loosing me." Efforts to maintain a normal life failed: her "children's grades suffered; they couldn't concentrate; and they were overwhelmed with grief and loss." Advised by counselors to tell her children, she did so. The impact on the family was amazingly expressed by Shawn, at age eight, one week after his mother disclosed her status:
Sad, Happiness and Joy
Welcome to the hall of sadness
where drugs come to killing,
welcome to the room of joy where
happiness comes to love,
welcome to the closet of sadness
where AIDS comes to death.
And welcome to the house of joy
and sorrow where this great family falls apart.
Committed to healing her family and to raising her children as normally as possible, Pat attended a support group in 1992. When that service was cancelled, a core group of women met at her house. Then, St. Anthony's Church in northeast Washington offered wonderful hospitality for the expanding group. Thus, more and more women with HIV became each other's main sources of information about medical care and support."
Living with a disease that was predicted to take her years ago and believing that "God still wants me to do something," Pat transformed personal loss into a creative and loving force. With her vision, leadership, tenacity, and the sense of sisterhood among the women, Pat founded The Women's Collective in 1993. It has grown into a community-based organization, offering support and services for women living with and at risk for HIV/AIDS throughout the metropolitan Washington region.
Women's Collective programs include family-oriented case management services, a hotline, peer partners, support groups, a training program for women to work as peer counselors, one-to-one support, and a newsletter. Bringing together women of all ages, ethnicities, races, religions, sexual orientations, and socio-economic status, the Collective educates and mobilizes women to become active in policy and decision-making arenas. (For further information, contact The Women's Collective.)
On March 21, 2000, Pat was one of several women honored at the Third Annual Linowes Leadership Awards. After so many years of reaching out to others impacted by HIV/AIDS, it was a special celebration, especially for Pat to enjoy with her children.
And her inspirational story continues...
Pictures -- thanks to Pat Nalls
Top Pat Nalls.
Second from top Pat's youngest daughter, Tiffany.
Second from bottom The Women's Collective staff members.
Bottom Pat with her children, Shawn and Nicki.